Living Post Oneness Deepening

I completed the Oneness Deepening Course at Oneness University (OU) March 23 - April 20 2013.
When I got Home I was busy explaining to people what I had been thru. I talked about the climate in India, the food at OU, the Sadhanas and other aspects of the course. I always ended every conversation with a statement that I was glad I went, that I was called to OU by Bhagavan and that my mind had become "De-Clutched". I had a quiet inside of me that I had not know and that I appreciate everyday. I do not have chatter which leads to suffering any more...I have quiet and then purpose when I need it to accomplish tasks. It's been interesting to play with whether my thoughts are purpose driven or "chatter".
I believe the latter is the case. Thoughts come up about what I need to do. Is this my mind trying to regain it's foothold in me again? and maintain itself? I have a marvelous sense of purpose when I do anything that I relish..this makes doing even mundane tasks easier. They are easier because I am just in the act of doing them, not complaining in my mind and heart about the fact that I have to do them...not blaming anyone or chastising them that my doing something is their fault...This is something that Kumargi said would be the case and so far he is right...being liberated from Work. I have been doing Seva in the form of Oneness Awakened Deekshas via Livestream and I held a community night recently for Oneness people in my area to begin building community in the way that Doug said we should be doing it..I'm going to Whole Foods this week to investigate getting on their calendar to do Oneness presentations. I've been doing these things which are enriching to me but they don't maintain my connection with the Divine the way that focused prayer and daily ritual do. This requires time that is spent with intent towards doing this. If I do this, everything else goes more smoothly and my feeling of the connection with Bhagavan and my Antaryamin remains solid and grounding. Bhagavan walks with me each day, all day long and guides me. I am still a human being with flaws and am working to understand where I am going with all this. At times I feel scared that I will lose my connection. As the presence of OU fades over time. I remember the people who were there with me and how I respected them so much for having had the strength to complete the deepening. I appreciated their presence but was going thru my process and with Moana and cultural differences only formed close ties with a few.
I am away from a larger group of people to maintain a connection to Oneness with outside of a gathering that takes place every Tuesday night in a town close by. Thank God I have that!...While the solitude is difficult it also affords me the time to see who I am and to continue this work of Awakening.
I know I was awakened, They told me I was awakened..I believe that I was awakened, I feel it deep within me every moment, I have been changed. I was with many people and doing my process, now I am not with many people but am still doing my process..it's different and I don't have the guides and the energy at OU to help me. I have to believe in myself and that I can do this. The guides told us to allow this to develop and run it's course over the next 6 months to a year...well I'm doing this...and it's hard because I don't have any knowledgeable people to bounce ideas off of or to provide coaching...Maybe I'll reach out to others for sharing and feedback. 

When Family Works

Family's are interesting groups...Nuclear, Blended, Extended...societal...family's that we belong to because of our status and pursuits in life. Some family's we revel in..some family's give us daily support and nurturance, Some Family's we don't know we're a part of..but are...some families are very loose knit...we are a part of them thru business..Some family's we'd rather not be a part of but are..but one thing is clear...we cannot not ever be in these groups..some are derived at birth these we are a part of and we cannot escape that we are related. We can however choose not to be in these families or minimize our exposure to them. The fact that we have these familial relations doesn't mean we have to maintain or nuture them. Family's are working systems and members have responsibilities that must be upheld in order for the family to be functional and nurturing. We are lucky to have family's when they work. When they do..there is nothing that is more supporting and loving in our lives. The fabric of families is diverse...it can look one way one day and look like a different fabric the next...Life causes these changes sometimes..sometimes the universe has it's hand in weaving the color and textures of these "Cloths". The fabric of family's is leaving and breathing..The threads in the cloth are the family members. Each thread changes as needed depending on it's path and direction...so the color of the cloth changes...family members must be aware that they are part of something bigger and that they have a duty to maintain the strength of the cloth by staying strong alone and for the other threads when needed. When all threads are strong on their own and they are strong for the others, the fabric of the cloth and therefore the family stays strong providing love, humor, good times, solace and support in bad times.
-Blessings-

Moving from Work Life to a Self-Directed Life

There are stages we all go thru during our life. For the most part I don't believe we are aware of how we move from age  to age, year to year, we just do it. There are many things to consider in this day and age. What do we do for a living? Where do we live? What do we eat? How much energy does it take to get through each day? The internet is a huge distraction as is TV. These issues are not the totality of what people have to deal with each day. They are just a few...I mention them to highlight things that enable us to move thru our lives without being aware of what is taking place....You hear people say..Wow! where did the time go?...It's a blurr...

I retired from my day job of 38 years recently and have been faced with the recognition of who I was, who I am...and who I want to be...The transition from an identity that was deeply ingrained with fixed time constraints to an open ended landscape has been interesting. The proverbial "forks in the road" and having to decide which ways to go. At this time perhaps due to my age and more experience with life than in past decades, or the fact that I am not raising a family any longer I am able to face conditions and choices in a straightforward manner. I can now do the cause/reaction review of options more clearly. I have been thru periods of being off balance and un-clear as I adjust to this new landscape. Some things have been reviewed easily and decisions made that are valid. Other adjustments have caused a malaise that has been depressing and morose in the feelings that have come up as i have sat in the bubbles that questions put you in while you are "sitting in them"...Your wife, family and friends cannot help you when you are in the bubble...it is so immediate and calling of demons so deep that they cannot be put into words to facilitate discussion. They are sometimes too private to share.

At these times of flux and instability I have found that recognition of what is good in my life and what "was" good about me is still present...there are things about you....good things, that are still there....don't forget this..you are not someone new..you are the same person you have been... remember this before you allow yourself to fall completely in to the "Abyss"..You are creating your new reality..which will be made up of many things you were AND where you want to go.

Personal Courage will help you to get thru this.Trust yourself...you are not MAD!! you're are just treading new ground. This is not easy!...Have courage that you will make the right the right decisions..they are yours to make and adjust as needed. Give it time! don't rush it...You are in the drivers seat. You steer the car. You can change things much as you add salt or other seasoning to any good recipe...Creating each day is challenging when you've been reporting to work M-F for a long time...In the beginning it is like a breath of fresh air..."I don't have to go to work!" feels great when you wake up...You have new enthusiasm with this..you have energy...it sustains you and gets you thru these days...the newness wears off...it then changes to "I don't have to go to work" what am I going to do?  This is where the rubber meets the road! What ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
What do you want to do? what should you do? Do you have obligations that you have created? I am involved with business startups. These always need tending to...and I reached a point where I was feeling overwhelmed and like I used to feel at my day job...mostly resentful..I wasn't self - moderating  and making deliberate choices about what I would do.

Self-discipline is so useful in these matters. Consistency with variation (as needed) is the key...oh yeah...keep guilt in check when you decide what to spend your time on....There are so many "You Better's", "Your Supposed To's" or "You Cant's" that come up...recognize if they are affecting you and more importantly, if you agree with them. Throw them out if needed.

A good friend of mine gave me a saying that is proving to be helpful.."FEAR IS NOT PRODUCTIVE" FEAR DOESN'T HELP WITH ANYTHING!! across the board...I say this with full belief. Living without FEAR and GUILT is hard. Try it.

A close connection with your Divine can assist greatly as you transition to a self-directed life. Drawing on strength from the Divine and FAITH helps to get you thru.

I am now practicing the following in my daily life (Not necessarily in the order given)

1. Time each day for exercise and health related matters
2. Time each day for business pursuits
3. Time each day for meditation/spiritual time  
4. Time for Fun and or study
5. Afternoon Napping time
6. Time with my Wife and fostering that relationship.
7. Recognizing the importance of ALL my family relationships
8. Maintaining an awareness that I am driving my life and and where it goes

I hope this article has provided some ideas to consider as you transition from your work life to spending your days in a self-directed fashion. -Blessings-

Being Called

We are called at different times in life. Eventually we are called to leave this life and go on. This is a stark reminder when you receive notice that someone you know has been called. We are called in dreams and reminded of who we are. Sometimes the dreams come at an un-expected time..When you least expect them..and they have powerful messages. Your dreams show you what is happening whether you like it or not. They are honest statements from the universe. Your dreams can be devastating and or re-affirming. Listen to them. The sense that I have from them is in the highest summary or in the broadest context, the overall message or sense of what was discussed in the dream stays with me, not the details. Sometimes there are minute details that remain, little snap shots or sequences from dreams that remain afterwards..Even though I remember them they may not be clear in what information is being revealed. In these cases I let them sit and bubble within me....eventually a message comes out. I wish there was some way my dreams could be videotaped so I could go back and view them. They are interesting and multi-faceted.

Fathers

Fathers are supposed to be a few things....1.) Loving 2.)Concerned about the welfare of their children 3.)Advice givers 4.) Actively involved with the development of their children towards helping them become good citizens 5.)Accepting of decisions their children make as adults 6.)Truthful with their children at all ages 7.)Faithfully and always supportive of their children at all ages. My biological father was not truthful with me as an adult, as men, he hid many aspects of his persona from me. I found out many things about him after he died. I found the truth not due to his forethought or planning but rather thru luck. The thing I was left with after having gotten all this information was "Why did you have to conceal your real self to me?" I was your son. What I refer in this case were facts about his family of origin. The second thing was abandonment of me and my sister in his life and commitment to two other children from a different marriage. I found out some amazing things about his family and his siblings thru one of his brothers that he had dis-owned. My mother did not know the things that I uncovered and she was married to the guy. He was career military and his whole life was based on lies..he was not who he portrayed himself to be with the United States AirForce. He changed his name when he came to America...had a member of his family doctor up some papers so he could get into the service. His brother became a US citizen the right way and honorably. His whole life was based on secrets. He refused to share his life with his son because of his hysterical need to maintain the house of cards he had constructed that was his life..He could not take a chance on having the truth revealed. The truth being revealed would have turned his entire existence up side down. He would have been dis-honored and dis-enfranchised by the service because of his lies. It is very disturbing to be lied to or mis-led by your father. My father sat with me as men. We drank together, we ate together, there were quiet times when he could have opened up to me and shared his identity and life, the reasons for why he had done what he had done...I would have taken anything he told me to my grave. But he didn't. He sat with me at times looking at me talking to me, talking at me as if he had the right to be more, like he had the right of my respect, that he was wiser than I, Hell on a couple of occasions many years ago when I was in my 20's he pretty much told me that if he'd had me when I was growing up..that I would have been "more of a man" that I was less than that.He had occasions to tell the truth and he didn't. He looked me square in the eyes and I was looking at a statue, a mask that was not what was real...He knew this all the time! Well, I know a lot about him that he would rather that I didn't. He's in a white box now, inside of a display case that has his name. It is a military box for ashes and has those characteristics. It's very non-descript. Everyone around him in this quiet space has been told that he was a dis-honorable man in life. They will all know this for eternity. So while one can be dis-honest in life their truth if it becomes known after they are gone..lasts a lot longer than the years that they were alive. It only shows them as they had fought so hard to prevent..The truth is never wrong...it is just the truth.  ps: There is another man who was my real father, an honorable man who demonstrated all the qualities I listed at the beginning of this rant...I hope that I am able to do the same for my children...for sure...I will never lie to them.

Between The Worlds

I recently had the opportunity to attend a ritual involving the use of storytelling to describe the stories we have and Shamanistic ritual practices. There was also a small group of musicians who provided a Soundtrack of sorts as the discussions of stories we have and those we want to have, transpired. The music was to serve as a backdrop in the way that movie soundtracks assist Marquee movies...present but not necessarily noticeable if effective...simply adding to the emotion of what is intended in describing something. The music was to assist the members of the collective in living their own stories in the moment...I hope we were effective in doing this..The sense I had of what we were provinding musically was to move the attendees...they were moving...in the groove of the music that was happening on the spot..via improv. The director asked questions of the group and would interact with the attendees to bring out more of a story as needed for the benefit of the group...He also set up the process very effectively, taking us from the daily world we walked in with, to being present in between earth and the cosmos. He very effectively and gently brought us back to normal time at the conclusion of the ceremony. People shared their ideas and comments freely and danced when it was appropriate..The musicians used Jazz standards to represent the 4 elements at key moments in the process...Earth, Water, Fire and Air. I was affected in many ways by meeting the facilitator over the course of a few weeks, being in his presence always left me affected when I would go away from him...Don't know what that was all about...I very much enjoyed being in the space between earth and the cosmos..Magical things happen there. 

Homage to "Augie"

This post is to recognize and commemorate a great teacher. August Heilbron was the cello teacher that had the greatest impact on me as a cellist and as an imerging man. August was an amazing cellist who could take any piece of music and make it sound exquisite. Even practice book exercises were like listening to master compositions when he played them. It was in listening to him that I came to understand what a cello should sound like and what a "real" player can do. Technically he demanded that I learn to "count" which is the basis for all musical endeavors..it wasn't just counting the metering of a piece...it was more of what notes are presented and what is their impact or requirements within a given measure or piece. I was not that good at "counting" I was muddle headed and in some cases not able to do it...But I learned enough during our years together to be able to do it when I have needed to at times in my musical life. It's always been when I have been under severe pressure to do it...that somewhere deep inside this ability comes up and enables me to do it. Augie also instructed me in the position of the cello and the body, holding the bow, the characteristics of up and down bowings to acheive fluidity of sound..Again, he was a master of bow control and sound production. His belief was always make the cello sing...play out...let the big sound be heard. He instructed me in the use of fingerings for passages and different playing styles. Fingerings are essential to playing difficult or complex music..you simply cant do it unless you have good fingerings. Augie was a gentle task master...He would strive to get what he needed but he had a way of expressing himself that made you feel like he cared about you even though you weren't providing what was needed. His verbal communication skills were crystal clear, the result of a very sharp mind and experience. Augie taught me discipline in my music which carried over into all aspects of my life. I am using discipline to refer to the ability that one must have to be methodical in approaching a problem, analytical, self driven, able to understand the ramifications at hand of any situation and the ability to develop a plan of attack and methodology for overcoming or addressing an issue that one faces. It's the ability to be self sufficient in all circumstances in problem solving. Performing pieces for competitions and playing in Reno with the Reno Phil gave me exposure to performance under duress or pressure another skill that has served me well in my life. Thank you Augie for your presence and affect in my life. I am able to be the cellist who I am today because of you. I have always thought in difficult or challenging music times about you. I have always strived to play and perform in a way that you would be proud of.