Fathers

Fathers are supposed to be a few things....1.) Loving 2.)Concerned about the welfare of their children 3.)Advice givers 4.) Actively involved with the development of their children towards helping them become good citizens 5.)Accepting of decisions their children make as adults 6.)Truthful with their children at all ages 7.)Faithfully and always supportive of their children at all ages. My biological father was not truthful with me as an adult, as men, he hid many aspects of his persona from me. I found out many things about him after he died. I found the truth not due to his forethought or planning but rather thru luck. The thing I was left with after having gotten all this information was "Why did you have to conceal your real self to me?" I was your son. What I refer in this case were facts about his family of origin. The second thing was abandonment of me and my sister in his life and commitment to two other children from a different marriage. I found out some amazing things about his family and his siblings thru one of his brothers that he had dis-owned. My mother did not know the things that I uncovered and she was married to the guy. He was career military and his whole life was based on lies..he was not who he portrayed himself to be with the United States AirForce. He changed his name when he came to America...had a member of his family doctor up some papers so he could get into the service. His brother became a US citizen the right way and honorably. His whole life was based on secrets. He refused to share his life with his son because of his hysterical need to maintain the house of cards he had constructed that was his life..He could not take a chance on having the truth revealed. The truth being revealed would have turned his entire existence up side down. He would have been dis-honored and dis-enfranchised by the service because of his lies. It is very disturbing to be lied to or mis-led by your father. My father sat with me as men. We drank together, we ate together, there were quiet times when he could have opened up to me and shared his identity and life, the reasons for why he had done what he had done...I would have taken anything he told me to my grave. But he didn't. He sat with me at times looking at me talking to me, talking at me as if he had the right to be more, like he had the right of my respect, that he was wiser than I, Hell on a couple of occasions many years ago when I was in my 20's he pretty much told me that if he'd had me when I was growing up..that I would have been "more of a man" that I was less than that.He had occasions to tell the truth and he didn't. He looked me square in the eyes and I was looking at a statue, a mask that was not what was real...He knew this all the time! Well, I know a lot about him that he would rather that I didn't. He's in a white box now, inside of a display case that has his name. It is a military box for ashes and has those characteristics. It's very non-descript. Everyone around him in this quiet space has been told that he was a dis-honorable man in life. They will all know this for eternity. So while one can be dis-honest in life their truth if it becomes known after they are gone..lasts a lot longer than the years that they were alive. It only shows them as they had fought so hard to prevent..The truth is never wrong...it is just the truth.  ps: There is another man who was my real father, an honorable man who demonstrated all the qualities I listed at the beginning of this rant...I hope that I am able to do the same for my children...for sure...I will never lie to them.